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This is a topic I never thought of ever writing about- and maybe it's because I've been afraid to do so. Yes, I know it's dumb not to, because if it's not obvious that I'm a woman of color, female, and a minority then something is truly wrong with the universe. Although I know what I am, the pressure that I've felt throughout my academic career is as real and present as the air around us. The pressure of not being "good enough" could be due to lack of confidence in my abilities, but at the same time, it may be a combination of societal and academic pressures from non-minorities that heighten my insecurities. Now don't get me wrong, I am proud of how far I've come, and am excited to see what the future holds for me. But I fear this feeling won't go away. Sometimes I wonder why I got admitted into my grad school program. Was it because they were really interested in my application? Or did they think that adding another brown girl to the mix would help improve diversity? All my life I've worked hard, sometimes harder than most and still ended up falling short, just to be half as good as the person next to me.
I started this blog for two reasons: Firstly, to track my progress towards a career in science and/or medicine and be transparent throughout my journey. Secondly, to inspire young girls and women of color to make their mark on the world. To live life boldly, and gain wisdom through the knowledge that's accessible to them. To get up when they fall, and be ready to take on the next obstacle life throws in their path. Although I am being transparent in this blog, everyone's journey is different, and you may not experience what I do, and that's ok.
My goal for the next few months is to become the best version of myself, and not compare myself to others. I want to be able to wake up every morning, with the confidence that I will be able to get through this program without feeling like an imposter. Without feeling like the black sheep in my cohort. I need to be able to understand that I'm still learning, adjusting, and growing and that one day I will bloom and be the person I was meant to be. It will not happen overnight, but I have to believe that it will happen. I will accomplish all that I have set out to do. And I know that along the way, I will make mistakes, but if I don't learn from those mistakes, then I haven't learned anything at all.