COUNTDOWN TO THESIS DEFENSE: DAY 28

I feel like all I have done so far in this countdown to my thesis defense is to complain and cry. And for those who actually read my blog, I'm sorry about that. But it's been rough for your girl in the lab. I have gotten stuck into the mentality that just because I followed a protocol, it is guaranteed to work each time. But not everything happens on the first, second, or even seventh attempt!

Sometimes research is similar to a Pinterest fail: you see something you like, you try it out, and at the end of the day it looks nothing like the pin you saw! So what do you do with it? Try again? Throw it away? Or do you try to make the best out of what you have?

There could be something you are doing wrong, and aren't aware of. So whenever possible, ask your colleagues for help, and get into the habit of talking out your issues with someone and troubleshooting new ideas. It may lead to the answer you're looking for, and in my opinion, it's the best way to get a clearer understanding of the experiment you're performing.

So that's what I did. And although I haven't been able to successfully execute this very important experiment, I'm glad that I am able to talk through my issues and plan accordingly. I would have never developed those kinds of skills if every experiment I did was successful. It is easy to forget that our failures actually strengthen us. They allow you to display true grit and provide you with the aptitude to succeed. Therefore, do not be afraid of failure, instead, I encourage you to embrace it. You never know how much stronger your failures will make you.

COUNTDOWN TO THESIS DEFENSE: DAY 33

It's a Saturday night, and I'm in the lab.

I was feeling hopeful about today's attempt at isolating some plasmid DNA from bacteria, seeing that I was trying out a new protocol.

Well... my DNA yield on all my samples was pretty low. Nothing at this point seems to be working in my favor and I feel like my data isn't representative of the effort I have put into this project. To this date, I have three pieces of data.

Yep, that's it.

Not gonna lie, I feel like ditching this part of my thesis project but it is a crucial aspect to understanding the bigger picture. I feel like I'm taking all the necessary steps to make this project work, yet I have nothing to show for it. I'm trying to remain positive about all of this, because at the end of the day my failures are allowing me to refine my technique, and think more like a scientist. 

Hopefully, next week will be better.

COUNTDOWN TO THESIS DEFENSE: DAY 41

Re-stripping blot to incubate a new antibody of interest!

Since my last post, I tried catching up on two experiments that I have either been slacking on or have had trouble getting results from. Those two experiments are a Western Blot and cloning of a short hairpin RNA into a plasmid respectively. Needless to say, I didn't see any bands after re-stripping my blot the other day. And my cloning experiment is still a failure. I know these two procedures should be fairly simple, but tasks are usually difficult when you lack experience. Although these experiments aren't as easy as I had hoped, I'm learning from my mistakes. 

Sometimes it takes stepping away from a problem to view it at a different angle. Taking time to think about the process, has helped me better understand the problem at hand. With my thesis defense approaching next month, my mind is all over the place and lately, I find that I am not enjoying my research project because I'm so focused on getting data. I have to reset my mindset, go back to the drawing board and remember why I started. 

I have to evaluate every step I've made up until this point. This journey has been TOUGH, but I would have never expected to meet the woman I am today 4 years ago. I have to keep working smarter, not harder and finish this last quarter off strong! 

If you're also struggling to meet a deadline, or are having a difficult time keeping up with work or are just hitting a wall each time, try to take a step back, breathe, and start again. Things will go much smoother when your mind is decluttered!

COUNTDOWN TO THESIS DEFENSE: DAY 43

My thesis defense has been set for February 28th, 2020. I have 43 days to scramble enough data, submit my thesis, and prepare a presentation for my defense. For someone who has never had research experience, all of this is extremely overwhelming. Ever since getting back from winter break I have been arriving at the lab by 8:30-9:00 am and end up leaving at around 6:30-7:30 pm every single day. Needless to say, I am beyond exhausted. Nothing seems to be going the way it should, and honestly I feel that I have become quite sloppy when performing experiments. I know that I am not perfect, and everything won't go as planned but it's been months trying to get ONE experiment to work and I'm at my wit's end.

My anxiety is at an all-time high, and I'm trying my best to not let it control my thoughts and actions. I simply have to take a deep breath and attempt to work smarter instead of harder in order to see the improvements I need. Overall, I am extremely grateful for all the experiences I've had in this program and wish I could stay to improve on certain lab skills. However, I know that whatever I have learned here, will prove to benefit me in the long run.

So I'm gonna buckle up, stop complaining, and keep on grinding!